Turning Postpartum Anger into Fuel for Healing (Episode #5)

Today, we’re turning up the heat and talking about postpartum ANGER.

Maybe you have frustration with your body and the process of recovery.

Maybe you’re angry about your birthing experience, your doctors, your family, or the loss of your old identity.

Anger has the connotation of being a negative emotion, and a lot of times, we’re encouraged not to express it — but it’s important to listen to the anger when it swells up, because it’s trying to tell you something really important.

In this episode, we want to unpack why anger is there and what we can do about it. We believe it’s a state you can actually USE to your advantage to help facilitate growth, healing, and help you become the best mom you can be.

Grounding ourselves

Sometimes, anger can come from a place of disconnect. For Kendra, that was a really challenging aspect of postpartum – she felt ungrounded, like her feet were slipping from underneath her, poorly connected to what she was doing in everyday life.

There are multiple ways to find this grounding. For Nicole, after her pregnancy, she found grounding in the chakra system (the flow of energy in our bodies). Kendra found her footing in the science of postpartum repair and the pelvic floor.

We’ve found that when we start working with moms to heal their pelvic floor and turn that foundation back on, they start developing that solidity at the root, which can make all the difference in how they feel physically, emotionally and energetically.

How do we move anger?

It’s natural to have these emotions, and it’s necessary to process them in order to return to a regulated state. If you DON’T work through your emotions, it can make healing a whole lot harder. Need help? Here are some simple steps:

Acknowledge it. Say, okay, I’m feeling frustration, I’m feeling anger – or whatever it is. It might be something a little more nuanced. (We love emotion wheels, which can help you identify the exact emotion you’re feeling!)

Move your body. Some of the movements that can be really helpful while discharging that angry energy: stomping your feet; shaking your hands; jumping up and down; big breaths; walking. Anything that gets your tissues moving and the cortisol through your body. Ideally, do it in nature because nature is, by nature, grounding.

Why am I feeling this way? You could write or talk it out to help process this emotion. To go further, ask: what else? There are likely layers to it. Go back seven layers, because rarely is the first thing the true answer.

Recognize that anger is actually a springboard for your next step. This might take practice to embody and put into practice. Somewhere in this roadblock there’s a gift for you to receive. What does it take to get to that gift?

That next step

Often we’re told, just look at the bright side – which basically means don’t worry about it, it’s not important. That’s toxic positivity, which is not what we’re talking about.

We want you to LOOK at that negative emotion. Sit with it and allow your brain to do the work for you because it WANTS to. It’s really interesting what will come out of that quiet space.

Another way to process these emotions is to bounce them off someone. Personally, we often bounce them off each other. Nicole will say, “Ugh, I’m so angry about this!” and Kendra will ask, “Well, what is it about that?” followed by, “What is it about that?”

This is where true growth really happens. Sometimes motherhood brings up these things you didn’t even KNOW were lying dormant in your own body and mind. Once you start this process, you might find you come to obstacles and think, wait a minute; this isn’t an obstacle. It’s an opportunity. And it starts shifting other things in your life.

We’re not just talking about things relating to postpartum – it can apply anywhere. You can even teach it to your kids, who, in turn, will be able to turn their obstacles into opportunities too.

Notable Quotes from Kendra & Nicole

“It starts shifting other things in your life, and you start noticing all the places where you have opportunities where previously you thought you had obstacles. And we’re not just talking about things related to postpartum. This can apply to anywhere in your life. And the other thing is, you can teach this to your kids. Your kids will pick up on it as well. They’re going to start seeing obstacles and turning that into opportunities, too, and I think that is incredibly powerful.”

“Oftentimes we’re told, ‘Oh, just look on the bright side, everything will be fine.’ Which basically means, don’t worry about it. Don’t process it. It’s not important. Which – oof – that can bring up some anger right there. Let me feel what I’m feeling. And it’s also toxic positivity of, everything will be fine, just see the bright side. So this is not what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about looking on the bright side. It’s actually looking at what is it about that negative emotion that your brain is trying to say, hey, pay attention to me because this is something that I want and something that I need.”

Resources & Links

Looking for support to start your postpartum recovery? Here are some options to get you started on a great path forward:

1) Take the Pelvic Floor & Core Strength Quiz. After taking the quiz, you'll get a score and based on your results, guidance on what steps to take to move you forward in your recovery.

2) Check out our podcast listening guides: Download the Pregnancy Listening Guide or Postpartum Listening Guide.

3) If you’re postpartum and ready to get moving, need to heal your body but you don’t know where to start…join us for Postpartum Repair & Restore LIVE, a science-backed and fun-stacked, Diastasis and Pelvic Floor Strength program. Start healing your diastasis and eliminating leaking in 8 weeks or less with our guidance.

4) Do you prefer working one-on-one, or have a high risk pregnancy, a severe diastasis or leaking that won’t quit? You might be a candidate to work with us privately. To find out, take this quick self assessment! If you qualify, you'll be invited to schedule a complementary Postpartum Strategy Session with us where we'll take a good look at what's not working in your repair process, and come up with a great plan just for you.